Give and Take
by Parabola Beam
Summary: Sometimes doing the wrong thing feels so right. Neru/Dell, dubcon/hatesex sort of thing, very citrusy.


**Give and Take**

She's sleeping.

Much too soundly for what she did to him.

He stands over her bed, not exactly sure what he came in to do (wasn't such a good idea, leaving her spare key under the mat, she'd always been lazy) but every soft, even breath she takes makes him wonder just how easy it was for her, makes him agonize over how little it seems to be weighing on her conscience-

Dell brushes his fingers along Neru's bare shoulder, her throat, before taking her chin and shaking her awake. She moans blearily and stirs, the blanket sliding over her chest, over the sheer little garment that's passing for nightwear, barely a tank-top. Her expression shifts from groggy to confused to defensive in an instant.

"...Dell." It is halfway between statement and question. She is wary, and rightly so. Her tone softens. "Did you...want to talk?"

Oh no, not likely.

He hates her in that moment, how she's playing the saint suddenly. Dell threads his fingers into her ponytail and yanks her out of bed. She squeaks painfully and her hands go for the one closed in her marigold tresses, and he seizes her wrists, wrenching her around and holding them at the small of her back. It is not a fair fight. She is still sluggish and disoriented from how quickly she's been pulled from the safety of her bed.

The bed she'd shared with someone other than him.

Dell slips his tie loose, tugging it off in a single, fluid motion.

He should stop.

He winds it roughly around her wrists, binding them tightly together. Neru looks over her shoulder at him, and he will never forget the look on her face: it is possibly the only time he's seen her panic. He pushes her to her knees, unzips the front of his pants and frees himself of their confines.

He knows he should stop.

"Come on. Now."

In other words, 'No, I would not like to talk, you filthy slut'.

She doesn't oblige him right away-really, she wouldn't be Neru if she did-and he knows exactly what she's thinking, that he won't have the guts to physically make her.

That he's not angry enough.

Hurt enough.

She is sorely mistaken.

He grabs her head and pulls, and there's a moment where she fights it and he absolutely loves the resistance when he makes her take him, feels the vibration of her pained groan from deep in her throat around him. Neru's mouth is warm and soft, lips firm, and he hates admitting it but he's seriously getting a rise out of the bitter glare she's shooting him, in more than one way. Angrier, he pulls her deeper again and again, watching as her defiance melts into wide-eyed worry, pain. He enjoys her helplessness far too much for even his own comfort, the way her chest heaves with the effort for air, nipples erect through her top; she _wants_ it, on some level, and she can't control herself and he shouldn't like the way her mascara has started running down her cheeks so much-

Who the fuck was she trying to impress, anyway.

Her feeble moans grow louder and throatier with each thrust and it's too late for her-she _needs_ him, now-he glances into her eyes and sees a flicker of submission, and the imploring look on her face makes him feel _something_-

He fills her mouth, her throat, and she squeezes her eyes shut, gagging on it. She snarls vehemently and spits it all over his stomach as soon as he pulls out.

Dell stared at her for a moment, stared at himself as he jerked her face against the mess and growled for her to clean it up. With reluctance that wasn't really so, her tongue slid out between her lips and along his belt, licking up what she'd spit out and swallowing.

Neru never did anything she didn't want to do.

Or anyone.

He loosens the tie enough for her to free herself, pushes her back towards the bed, zips up his pants as if he's done nothing but use a bathroom, and walks out the door-doesn't need his tie back, she can keep it for all he cares, keep it and hopefully hold it and maybe cry a little and feel conflicted because it'll at once remind her of him but also what it was just used for-just walks out and is halfway across the living room, fully intending to leave and not look back-

"Hey."

She's followed him. He stops, but doesn't turn around, isn't going to acknowledge her more than necessary.

"...That's it?"

It's such a ridiculous thing to say that he turns around, needs his whole body to hate her with, her and her _bullshit_-

"...You liked it that much?"

He's an asshole and he's loving it right now.

"No, I mean-you're just leaving? After that-?"

"Hurts, doesn't it." He turned nonchalantly and started heading for the door again.

"Don't." He does. He's going and fuck her, he's out of here. "Stop!" She raises her voice at him and he shoots a scowl over his shoulder at her.

"I'm not a dog." His words are slow and emphatic. "You're the_ bitch_." And he's walking, almost to the door, and he would've made it.

But Neru closes the distance between them, grabs his collar.

Kisses him.

"Alright-" He rasps cockily, challenging her between breaths, working her towards the wall, "-alright." _Fine_. He'll fuck her.

On his terms, though.

She moans as he slams her into the wall, and again when he kneads his fingers into her thighs, lifting her against it firmly. His pants come unzipped again, she's helping him get her panties out of the way-they're soaked, confirming what he'd already suspected, that she'd liked it more than she'd let on-and they're together and her hands, her lips are on his face, and the way she kisses him makes him wonder if he's in love with her again, just from that. Neru kisses him like he's the only man she'd ever kiss, like he's the last man on earth.

He isn't easy or careful like in the past: he just pushes into her and she arches into him with a pained choke and _too fucking bad_. Her slickness coats him thoroughly in only a few strokes, and she melts over him so readily that he makes a point of fucking her harder, making sure things weren't too easy for her. He's achingly hard and he's so _easy_ for her and he hates it, hates how perfect she feels clenched around him. She's biting her lip to the point of whiteness, and he shoves another kiss into her, stroking her tongue to life with his and sucking on it, coaxing moans from deep in her throat to the surface. They're pressing so close together he can feel her firm nipples brushing his chest with every thrust, and she looks dizzy, like it's too much-

-so he does it _harder_.

Neru's moans quickly escalate in volume-she's struggling on him, he's hurting her-and he wants her, wants all of her and he doesn't care that she's a slutty, catty, cheating _bitch_-

A familiar, sweet, hot purr warms her lips, and he knows it means she's about to come. There's a look in her eyes like she's losing her mind, blissfully so-

She's enjoying herself too much for what she did to him.

What she's_ doing _to him.

He pulls out and lets go of her legs, and they wobble terribly as she tries to stand. She's whining through her lips as he kisses her, holding her into the wall, hands on her face, in her hair. Her chest rises and falls breathlessly-he knows she wants to, needs to finish, but she's a big girl and she has fingers and she'll _live_.

Not going to stop him from teasing her though.

"...You wanna come?" He whispers huskily, Neru swallowing and nodding into his hands, needy and easy and _the feeling's not so nice now, is it_? He lets go and backs off. "...Ask nicely."

He says it with a sneer because it's a joke, really, Neru does not, will not, ever, ever beg, it's too beneath her, everything is-

Her eyes flicker with shame, and she turns around and puts her hands on the wall, looking over her shoulder, but not at him, and he doesn't believe it until-

"...Please..."

No, no, it isn't enough, he tells himself, insists to himself.

"...Dell..."

Overkill.

He should've just left her, left her with the ultimate and utmost humilation humanly possible, just standing there, against the wall, looking meek and helpless, legs still wobbling, slick trails staining the inside of her thighs-

But he _can't_.

He's against her again, in her, he can't resist her like this, he wants to be the only one to have her like this, and-

And he loves her too much to make her bear that humilation.

No matter how much she deserved it.

He holds his hands over hers as he pumps her, again and again, nailing her petite body into the wall, feeling hate for himself in the pit of his stomach as he realizes he's done it again, valued Neru over whatever scrap of smug dignity he'd been trying to salvage.

As if she knows what he's thinking, her legs open a little wider, allowing him deeper. This little tryst of theirs had stopped being heat and friction and sex a long time ago, it had become a mess of reluctant, fucked up exchanges in which they could get their fix of each other without admitting they needed it, without admitting they cared.

They finish-they don't know if Neru was first, if Dell was first, if it had been oh-so-romantically _together_-they lose track and don't care because they're done now and that's what matters.

He's holding her face again, she's looking at him again-

-he's loving her, again-

Dell kisses her forehead, shakes her a little- "...We could've been really great together."

"I _know-_," Neru chokes bitterly, her tears running hot down her face as she breaks eye contact, glaring at his chin, "-now get lost."

He leaves her to crumple in a motionless slump on the floor, and he does the same the moment he's outside her door.

Whoever had won, they'd both lost.

**A/N: **Well, that was depressing. XD Ahhh but these two, yes, usual thing about how I love and hate them at the same time, adorable fuckers. This was very fun to write. Also, rest assured I am working on my other fics too, no need to ask about them I promise. XD;; Anyways, thanks so much for reading, please do leave a review if you feel like it~.


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